Wow. After weeks of praying, reading, and more praying I am fully convinced that God is calling me to cover my head. Writing those words, making the statement fills me with joy I cannot even describe. I'm not exaggerating. You know that feeling you have when you are standing before your spouse, about to get married? Or about to have your first kiss? Or waiting for your newborn to finally arrive?
That's how I feel right now. A mix of nervous and joyful energy swirling around me. I don't know if I can fully explain this feeling.
This isn't an easy decision for me. It really is like a marriage. There are a lot of emotions involved in this decision, but also a lot of intellectual and spiritual tugs. I couldn't possible get into every little (and big) thing in this post, I just don't have the time right now (would be like a ten page post). But this is an important decision in my life, and I am not jumping into it for the sake of jumping into it.
In the beginning, I was drawn to headcovering, but my heart wasn't in it. So I didn't pursue it, I just prayed for God to search my heart and teach me. He is faithful in answering that prayer, sometimes to uncomfortable extents. But He is faithful, and He answered the questions I had.
Now, as I tip-toe into this it's not just emotional and romantic. There is a lot of depth to this. Honestly, I came to a point where I pushed the possibility of covering my head to the side, trying to forget about it. I didn't want to be "weird." I didn't want to be "unstylish." I didn't want to hide my hair and feel "not beautiful." But I don't want to be stylish or beautiful in the world's terms. Well, I do. I really do. But that's not the same part of me that wants to be a godly, obedient follower of Christ. So, I am choosing to push my fleshly desires aside and tip-toe into something unknown to me, something strange to others, but something oh so beautiful to God.
I know that I have a strong personality and I'm not always the most submissive and obedient woman. But I want to be! I desperately want to be a woman pursuing nothing but the heart of God and all that He is. Covering my head is only one of many ways I can do this. Faithful as He is, I know that He will transform my heart daily.
There are so many things that come to my heart, but I can't find the words to write. I feel scattered and excited and so blessed to be where I am, called to the places He calls me.
It may sound weird to you, but I am so blessed to cover my head, so privileged. And I feel so honored that God has chosen to reveal the truths and jewels of headcovering to me. I feel so blessed.
This may sound silly, I mean, it's a piece of fabric on my head, but oh wow, it's not just a piece of fabric on my head... it's so, so much more.
Perhaps I will explain more as time goes on...
I'm just so excited. It's like God has opened yet another door in life. An unfamiliar, strange place awaits me on the other side, but I'm ready, willing to go through the door and embrace the other side.
King of my life, lead me, guide me toward lifegiving water that I may never taste another drop of poison. Strip away my pride and selfishness, my disobedience and dishonor to you and my husband, and help me to be submissive, George's help-meet, your faithful daughter, servant, friend, and beloved.
Draw me near to you, hold me in your arms, I want to be near you always. I want to turn to you, not the world. I am tempted so often, the darkness is so appealing, the charms of the world seem satisfying, but I know they are only shallow, temporal fulfillments. Not true, lifegiving satisfaction.
Please take my strong personality and turn it into something pleasing to you. Take away my opinionated, prideful words and create in me a heart that spills from my mouth, dripping with gentleness and beauty pleasing to you. Help me to be an encourager, never a discourager, and to be a quiet, submissive, gentle woman with a heart set on you.
Thank you for you, for your son, for life, for every blessing you pour out, and every trial you bring my way. Every rose, every thorn, every opened door, every closed door--thank you for it all. I am blessed to be yours, honored. May you be glorified, lifted up, praised and cherished and loved, forever! Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty and the whole earth is full of His glory.... I will sing that in my heart forever. Help me to live as so, to be set on the prize, the goal, life on the other side.
I love you.
16 comments:
"Your path will be covered with thorns" St. Francis (movie version)
You have my blessing :)
In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit... amen!
-g-
this is really fascinating...some people do it out of religiosity/legalism...but the way you talk of how God has drawn you to this idea makes me think it is very personal, something special you are sharing with Him alone...it's not for everyone but for you because He is showing you something new and this is part of bringing you to a deeper revelation of what He wants you to know and eventually share with others. wow, that's cool, tell me more when you get a chance.
you mentioned before maybe we can chat over the telly? by that, it sounded like you meant television but that doesn't make sense...did you mean something like skype (using a webcam over the internet) and it's called telly over there?? dumb question but considering we come from different countries and cultures there are sometimes a couple of non-commonalities :P
Hey, Sweetie, that is so great!
I'm so impressed with your willingness to obey God and your determination in this, and your desire to grow closer to Him and to your husband!
You are an inspiration and an encouragement!
I like reading how you're responding to your decision with joy and excitement. God bless you.
Welcome dear one---who knows for sure what all this is about the covering of our heads? All we really need to do is obey the Spirit. How wonderful of your husband--mine said the same thing--even prayed for me as I was smirked at in a clinic the other day, we both remained charitable then laughed our heads off in the parking lot.
One of my motivations is as an act of reparation for my fellow conservative Christians who are becoming as hateful in their fight for right as the very ones they hope to set right---thats' only one reason. Prayers for strength and much more joy!
xo
God bless!
"Now, as I tip-toe into this it's not just emotional and romantic. There is a lot of depth to this. Honestly, I came to a point where I pushed the possibility of covering my head to the side, trying to forget about it. I didn't want to be "weird." I didn't want to be "unstylish." I didn't want to hide my hair and feel "not beautiful." But I don't want to be stylish or beautiful in the world's terms. Well, I do. I really do. But that's not the same part of me that wants to be a godly, obedient follower of Christ. So, I am choosing to push my fleshly desires aside and tip-toe into something unknown to me, something strange to others, but something oh so beautiful to God." Dearest Ashley!!! That is exactly what I what 'stands in the way' and you saw it! Oh I am so overjoyed! You are God's very own; and how marvelous to be one who hears His call. The fight of being a virtuous wife, etc. is what we all face. I do believe the head covering reminds me of when I am hypocritical in this area.
So, you did it. May you find great joy in the midst of the many speculations of others.
In Christ,
Auntie eM
I just wanted to say that my daughter and I have both decided to cover following the Lord speaking to us both about it. My husband is delighted and honoured through our decision. We went shopping today and have bought one each, with my husband making us some following a pattern we have found on the net. My the Lord truly bless your obedience, and your marriage grow in fruitfulness and love as you willingly submit. As the quote of Archbishop says "As with all outward gestures, if it is practiced enough it filters down into the heart and is translated into actions that speak volumes. ..."
With love, Louise and Freya (13)
Praise the Lord Sister! I love to hear when women cheerfully choose to wear the headcovering. Blessings on your journey.
Victoria
Ashley,
I'm sure you know my story from my blog on this subject. Headcovering truly IS (was) a blessing for me. Something I miss. Follow how the Holy Spirit is leading. You will receive opposition in the Christian circle. The extent surprised me. But, it also made me cling to Jesus and find my identity in Him and not what others thought of me!
Please continue to share about your journey with headcovering!
Blessings to you. God will bless you for your obedience to following what He stirs in your heart!
Joanna
http://www.makingJesusmypearl.blogspot.com
Ashley,
You are such a passionate lady!, you inspire me!
At what times will your cover? Every waking moment? Only in prayer? Or something else entirely?
Bethany
Very encouraging post -- thank you so much for sharing it!
God led me to really examine the whole issue of modesty and headcovering as well. For now, with the headcovering issue, I simply wear a hat to Mass. In our parish, that already stands out quite a bit! *grin* Many, many times I've been referred to as "that lady with all the kids who always wears a hat to Mass."
May God continue to bless you and your family as you seek to be obedient in all the areas of your life!
My family went through this headcovering issue several years ago. We befriended a family whose women all wore the covering and to avoid offense my wife and daughter began wearing it, yet I wasn't convinced it was right for wear all the time. Those who wear the headcovering, in our experience, tend to look at those who don't as less holy.
I studied the subject in depth and there were some findings I think are very relevant. I agree that the issue of covering the head was not cultural because Paul made the argument from the creative order. But, when should the head covering be worn?
The text says a woman should have her head covered when she is praying or prophesying. Although some say that prophesying includes teaching and exhorting, I believe the exegetical evidence demonstrates that it only includes utterances of direct revelation from God. It appears to me that praying and prophesying are the only times the woman's head is required to be covered. Because the context of their worship isn't until v.17, this says to me that the head-covering should be worn anytime the woman prays or prophesies, and not just for worship. Alexander Strauch points out that, according to the sense of the Greek, this prayer or prophecy must be audible and public, so that the symbolism is meaningful. If a woman is praying silently, how would anyone know she is doing so, and how would a symbol then mean anything? The conclusion, then, would be that the covering should be worn whenever the woman is participating in a prayer meeting or other times where she would have public and audible prayer. As for prophesying, I believe direct revelation from God has ceased, so this would not be a consideration.
Some argue that the covering should be worn at all times because a woman may be at prayer at any given moment. The logic would then need to be applied to men, that they could never wear anything on their heads. This would be adding to the plain reading of the text. Interesting considerations here would be to look at 1 Tim. 2:9 and 1 Pet. 3:3. To Timothy Paul talks about dressing modestly, describing the hair but not saying that modest dress should include covering that hair or even just the head; if the head was to be covered always, would he not have so stated here? Peter also address a woman's hair by saying not to let the braided hair be her beauty; if her head was to be covered always, no one would see her hair to begin with! Another argument given for continuous wear is that it would be a constant reminder to the wife (single woman) that she is under submission to her husband (father). This may be dictated by an individual's conscience but not by the text, so it would then be a Romans 14 issue.
Dear Friend
IKnow God can see us when we pray silently . Also when i am out jogging [as a man] And the weather is freezing , i still take me wooly hat off to pray .I remember also the Holy Spurit said to Paul " For this reason and because of the Angels let a woman be covered and man un-covered , Now we know that Angels are messengers . This must have an account with prayers talking to God , prophecy etc .
Where does it say in the bible that prophecy or unknown utterance has ceased ? Paul says do not forbid speaking in tongues
Love to you always
i have been struggling with the issue on head covering and as a bilble study group we are about to consider the topic, the way you put it as something you struggle with clearly echos my own thoughts especially being in a church were we donot veil and living in a culture were veiling is not stylish. Iam still not yet convinced from either ends of the argument but im still searching. thanks for your thoughts
Greetings in the Name of Yahoshua. I have been feeling at times to cover my head and at others not to. I find that the times when I am most humble and meek satan ups his attack and I crack. It is something I am also going back and forth with. As a believer in the Messiah, I want to be reflective of Him not the world. Is our physical appearance important? Yes, Paul talks about women being humble and meek but also becoming. HalleluYah for the followers of Yahweh.
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