I admit I have my qualms with birth control, but also, I admit I have some deep issues with allowing God to take the reigns.
When my husband and I got married we had big plans for our lives. We would work for two solid years, travel, have fun, and then move on to family life. When we slipped those rings on each others fingers, we didn't have birth control. We were waiting for my "time of the month" so that I could start on a contraceptive pill. For one week, we used no form of birth control.
My messy friend never showed up, but a positive pregnancy test did. Shocked, we didn't know what to do, or say. We just sat there stunned.
Weeks passed and God moved in our lives. Teaching us about family, the blessing of children, and birth control. Ultimately, my husband settled on the decision our hearts were after. We ditched the idea of birth control altogether.
There are tons of reasons, but mainly the word control. How can we truly allow God to use our lives for His glory, if we are holding onto any form of control?
Our conviction may not line up with your values. That's okay. God has a different plan for anyone. But as for us, we have decided against it.
Does that mean I jump up for joy and thank God for this wonderful conviction? I wish.
Unfortunately, I have my fears and insecurities. I am human. I fear the deterioration of my body. I mean, I'm in my early-twenties, and I'm 5 months pregnant with my second child! At this rate, I'll have seven kids before I hit thirty!
That scares me a little.
People hear of our conviction, and a common reaction is, "How will you afford that? Are you sure you are being logical? Is this reasonable?"
You know... Sometimes I wonder how on earth we're going to afford a house filled with children, but then I realize the God of the Universe is my Father. My Abba. He will provide. That could mean we don't get the luxury of super nice cars and the latest fashions, but we will have beautiful children to raise with the love of Jesus.
I fear a changing body. Limited time with my husband. Headaches and many sleepless nights. Financial burdens far worse than our current state.
But I think of God, His love, His provision, His plans that have ended up so much better than I could have EVER planned myself, and I think, "How can I limit Him?"
I may end up with sixteen kids before I turn fourty, and my prayer will remain this:
Lord, help me to focus on You and not myself. Strip away my selfish desires and fears. Increase my security in You, and decrease my insecurities created by the world. Teach me the blessing of children. Make me a better woman and mother. Help me to raise chlidren that love and honor You.
Create in me a heart that desires Your hand in my life, at all times. Give me the strength, grace, endurance, patience, selfelessness, EVERYTHING, to lay down my desires and allow you to have full control of my life.
Yes, Lord, will you even be my birth control? Will you be my natural family planner? Growing life inside of me, through George's love and mine, whenever you see fit? Oh, Lord, please help me to focus on the eternal perspective, and not the temporal. My life is yours. Help me to live that way.
12 comments:
My provision, protection, deliverance, worship, praise, hope and love are all with my God.
But to leave the number of babies you have up to God: that to me is faith beyond Abraham.
No, I am serious.
At the same time, not to put everything in God's hands INCLUDING the number of kids I will have would strike me as a hypocrite with that first sentence I just typed.
It is not mine but Thine will alone.
I agree FULLY!!!!
I just did a post on this subject.
I would like to add something, I know several families who have never used birth Control and they have all had 2 children. The thing is... God is in control. Just because you don't use birthc ontrol does not mean you will have 16 kids.
On the other hand, we have adopted AND we don't use BC. I am 29, I have 7 kids, I am pregnant and we are adopting a son. By my 30th birthday, I will have 9 kids. I want to say that God has ALWAYS provided. He has met every need for us and thensome. We have never went without. My children are my greatest blessing in life. I cannot think of ANY greater gift in this world.
Joe, I often wonder the same thing myself. How can I say I trust God, yet hold onto control of the amount of kids I have and when I have them? It doesn't seem to line up, but somehow, we always have our excuses.
And "Wife to the Rockstar" :o) I knew you would be one to reply with a positive attitude about children. I actually thought of you when I wrote this.
And you're right, I know people who don't use any birth control and could only have one child, or three, or five, or sometimes NONE.
I think when we are willing to allow God full control, He will not give us more than we can handles. He knows His plans for us, and they are good.
I imagine having 16 kids though. One, because we seem to get pregnant pretty quick. Two, although it sounds crazy, I want them!
There's NOTHING like having children. I just can't imagine a better thing in life. Especially adopting children who need love.
It's so encouraging to see other women in their twenties with a lot of children. Honestly, it's so much better this way. We're young and we can handle tons of babies!
Hey Ashley!
Well, as far as the deterioration of your body goes, I'd had two by your age, as well. I'm now 36 and have 4 kids, and I still wear a size 3 without dieting or exercising. You will be so busy running around after them you won't be able to get fat!! So don't worry about that! Chasing around after kids increases your metabolism.
I must admit, that even as conservative as I am, I don't have super-strong convictions about this one, although I do NOT use any form of hormonal birth control and never have. Common sense just tells me that it's not a good idea to go messing around with the endocrine system. But not planning at all? I don't know. Well, #4 was a complete surprise, and she was a wonderful blessing; but I'm getting to the age where it wouldn't be wise to have more (the risks go up after age 35), so I think it's prudent to plan that way. But that's just me.
I love reading your blog, I find we often think alike on many things.
Great post Ashley!
Very cool - wife to rockstar!
Ashley, although I can see why you feel that contraceptives are "controlling" the amount of children you are supposed to have...I do have to have to wonder and pardon my forwardness:
"God provides to those who provide for themselves."
I don't feel like sitting at home and not working and conceiving 16 children leaves much room for any child to have a good life. Although the Lord is great, I don't think he wants anyone to sit around and wait for money to come banging on their door. Materialistic things are not important in life, but I can't see eye to eye with you on not wanting to provide your own children with a life you never had. It isn't fair to any group of children to be living in close quarters (an apartment or house too small for such a large number of children) and I don't feel like God is going to magically give you a larger home when neither or only one parent is working.
Please elaborate on your feelings for the above. I want to understand where you are coming from.
As I have said in this blog post, I do not impose my convictions on anyone, nor do I expect anyone to feel the same way.
Therefore, I am not going to debate this issue on my blog. If you would like to discuss it with me, I'd be happy to share my view. You can e-mail me at ashleyweis23@gmail.com
It all comes down to faith. That is my repsonse to "anonymous". Is God big enough? Do you trust Him fully?
I have loads of kids and they have MORE than most children do in the world. Most of the world lives in poverty. It is such an American Ideal to think we need big homes, lots of money, each child needs their own room, and we need to vacation every year. Children need love, not a big home. Children need guidance and parents who care. They do not need another toy, their own fancy bedroom, video games, luxury vacations... they need attention, security and love. Most big families I know LOVE children. That is why they are having so many. Their kids are getting loads of attention and love. It is opposite of how "anonymous" sees things. The worlds says children need wordly things. The world says children are "too expensive" "too difficult" "too burdensome". God says they are gift. Those of us with big families know that each one is a precious gift and we treasure each child. They are not crammed into a small space, uncared for, attention starved... They are smart, caring, repsonsible, considerate people. I believe that having a big family has made them who they are. They are more tolerant, more loving, and more generous. They do not look to always have things their way. They do not whine or complain for more. They are thankful. And ironically, they ask for more siblings all of the time. They hope next we will have twins and then adopt a few. They look forward to our family growing and welcome each new member. If they were so unhappy, why would they want more siblings?
I couldn't agree with you more. You know, I felt that I shouldn't debate on here about this stuff.
But you know, even though I'm not forcing my beliefs on others, I do think I should openly stand up for what I believe in. So, I think I'll follow this issue up with another post soon.
I couldn't agree with you more though. Altough I think "anonymous" probably thinks a large family couldn't possibly have children that are truly loved and nurtured. Some people think that the more you have, the less love and attention they receive.
Not so.
Through true love, prayer, and parents committed to God, those children will receive all the attention and love they need to grow into healthy children.
So yeah, I'm following up the "God provides to those who provide for themselves" comment with another post soon.
Wife to Rockstar!
Beautifully said!
As a mom of 7 kids (11 and under), I can tell you that life with lots of kids is wonderful!
Is it scary? Of course it is. But my husband and I committed ourselves to letting Him lead in terms of family size, and we've been so amazingly blessed!
God bless!
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