God, Make Them Rich

One of the Compassion children we sponsor, Emmanuel, wrote us a letter recently and part of his prayer for us was: God, make them rich so they can continue to help me and others like me.

I've never wanted to be rich. But his prayer made me want to be rich. Compared to him, I am rich. But I would love to be rich in an American way. My dream, still, is to get a huge house around here with 10 bedrooms and be able to adopt more children, house homeless and single moms, and just have an open house for whoever needs it. And I'd love to be able to put good food on the table every day. Have enough money to be able to just write and not have to work on Web sites. That would free up my day so I could actually do things like cook and clean.

I can live with a used car, the blankets hanging over our bedroom window as curtains, and the holes in my socks. It's not always the most thrilling, but I can deal with it. Sometimes I want new things. New clothes, a car, a nice, appealing brand new bed set. But ya know... prayers like Emmanuel's make me wonder why I'd really want that. Sure, it's nice and all, but I'd rather "feel good" knowing my money is helping him buy a new shirt (someone who doesn't have over fifteen in his closet, like me), like the one he has on in the new picture he sent us (above). I'd rather "feel good" by looking at my old bed set with a picture of these children above my bed, reminding me what my sacrifice pays for.

Money. I'd like more of it. I'd like to be rich. And while the comfort of being able to pay our bills every month would be nice... my biggest reason for wanting to be rich is because Emmanuel wants us to be.

Because he trusts us to use our money to help others.

His heart humbles me. Not always do I want to use my money for others instead of myself. Sometimes a new shirt seems more appealing than sending a gift to our Compassion children or handing $200 over to a stranger. But Emmanuel's humbling prayer made me realize one thing...

Your treasure is where your heart is.

The Most Gorgeous Man in the World

Last week I introduced you to the most beautiful woman in the world. Today I'd like you to meet the most gorgeous man in the world.

His clothes have bleach stains and holes. His shoes are worn out and falling apart at the heels. The smile on his face is always bright, even when the world tries to darken it. He's got a little flab on his stomach and he's not too concerned about the way he is dressed.

He's not very into mirrors. And he always stops to help someone open a door or carry a box. The homeless are his friends and welcome in his home. His lips sing praises of his wife and children and you'll never hear him talk of other women or celebrities. His eyes are on his wife and his heart is so captivated with her.

He seeks purity and is careful about what he lets into his heart through his eyes.

He listens before he speaks and he is slow to anger. Sensitivity is never far from him. He's the daddy who never misses his kid's performances and is always supportive and encouraging. His eyes are not afraid to cry and he wipes the tears from his children's eyes instead of telling them to suck it up.

He would choose suffering over watching someone he loves suffer. And he's always willing to help when he can, in whatever way he can, without grumbling. Love is on his tongue and it shows what's in his heart.

He reaches out to his enemies, no matter how many times they shun him. And he loves porn stars too much to treat them like objects. He sees through their skin and to their heart.

Faithfulness and kindness are glued to his heart and words. He has so much integrity that he'd rather walk 5 miles than drive without his license. And his dreams and goals are his family's.

There is not a day that passes where he isn't thankful for life. He's content, peaceful, and his charm is not in his style, good looks, or personality... it's in the way he lays his life down for others.

In a crowd, you won't see him. He is bent down picking up a hundred dollar bill dropped by the person in front of him. Of course, he hands it back. At a party, you won't hear him tripping over words and slurping beer after beer. He is quietly loving the children as they crowd around him.

The world calls him feminine, sensitive, and weak. "He cries too much," they say. "He's wrapped around his wife's finger." But these remarks don't bother him, because he knows that although the world may think he's not the most masculine of men...

...we know in our hearts that he is like Jesus.

And there is no better man to be like.

While muscles and cars and baseballs and beers and money and boats and good looks vanish, the most gorgeous man in the world will stand, radiant and ruddy, outstanding among 10,000 men.

His treasures are not of this world. And neither is his radiance.

Leave Michael Jackson Alone

A few days ago (on Facebook) I expressed my sadness over the Michael Jackson situation. A lot of Christian's seem to believe, for sure, that MJ is in the flames of hell right now. But I don't know about that. I really don't. Yes, it's possible. He could've denied all that Jesus was, but we have no idea what went on in that mans heart.

So I wrote on Facebook: Jesus, my love.... this Michael Jackson stuff hurts my heart. If he's in hell like many believe... can I take his place? A heart so bruised and broken, I want to see it healed, in your presence, joyful, radiant, shining like you made it to. (Tears.)

Some people said things like... she thinks she's all saintly... wonder what kinda skeletons are in her closet... she lives in a fish bowl... she wouldn't really do that.

Well, yes, I would.

Obviously I don't literally have the choice. But if I were standing in front of Jesus with Michael Jackson by my side, and Jesus said to me, "Only one of you can come in. The other must go to hell. Ashley, you choose."

I'd fall at His feet and beg for Him to take both of us. But if (I seriously doubt something like this would ever take place) He told me to choose... I would choose hell so that Michael Jackson's heart could finally be healed.

Wouldn't we all?

How could we stand before Jesus and choose ourselves? Michael Jackson's life was much more difficult than mine. How can I say to Jesus, "No, no. He deserves hell. I don't."

I don't believe ALL of Michael's problems were brought on by himself. I don't think we know his heart. And I think there was beauty in him not many people were willing to see. Even to this day, after his death, people are still making fun of him.

I really hoped Marlon Jackson would've been right when he said, "How much pain can one take? Maybe now, Michael, they will leave you alone."

The more skepticism we have, the more we ridicule him, talk negatively about him, focus on his flaws and his face and his skin and his trials, the more we prove that we seriously don't know how to look passed ourselves and reach out to broken hearts.

Underneath all of his pain, face changes, heartache, and issues... there was a heart in need of love. Search his name through google images and you'll see just how much love he was given.

And he (Jesus) said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3

If Michael is in heaven, I hope he looks like his five-year-old self and the only thing you hear from him is laughter as he sits on Jesus' lap. Loved.

True for You, But Not for Me

Is abortion wrong? Is homosexuality wrong? Is looking at porn wrong? Is being a porn star wrong? Is killing your wife wrong? Is manipulation wrong? Is lying wrong?

Is every woman beautiful? Is every child a blessing? Is it better to die for someone else, or live for yourself? Is marriage a beautiful thing? Is the sunset real, or is it a figment of my imagination? Are shadows really shadows, or are they only things we see when we want to?

Is it possible to understand these things? Or do each of have our own idea of things? Your surroundings taught you to be a certain way, so now you perceive the world and right and wrong through that perspective, while I perceive mine through my perspective and we go on our dandy way believing our own lies.

Or, is it that the universe is not fully comprehensible, we can never fully know the answers to anything, whether something is right or wrong, therefore we should stop having our debates about right and wrong and live with each other in perfect harmony?

Or, does everything we touch, see, and perceive have simply to do with our own mind?

In relativism, all points are equally valid. We can fuss over my opinion versus yours all day. You think lying is okay if it's going to keep someone from a painful reality. Pinocchio doesn't agree with you. You think abortion is perfectly fine because it's not a baby until it comes out of the womb, and Joe-Shmee thinks it's perfectly fine to kill a baby even if it does come out of the womb alive so long as the woman didn't want her child. Simba doesn't. You think it's okay to murder your wife as long as you have a good reason for it. Belle doesn't.

So, what do you do?

Sit around pondering your thoughts all day, trying to figure out what to believe and who is right, only to realize that you are the only person in the world who knows what's right for you?

Or perhaps you seek the counsel from someone you look up to, someone you admire, maybe you ask a pastor what he believes and you decide that's right for you.

Or, maybe you don't believe you can have an answer to anything. Maybe you believe right and wrong exists only in each person. Pinocchio can lie, it's okay for him. Scar can murder his brother, it's okay for him. Belle can leave Ugly in the dust and go after Prince Charming, have an affair with him, and watch Cinderella sink into depression.

It's all good in the hood so long as you believe it.

Sounds like chaos to me.

I don't believe that I can be wrong about all things. Some things, sure. Most things, yeah, sure, why not. But the reality of Jesus? No, thank you.

There is an absolute to me.

I don't need a bible to tell me. I don't need theological truths to show me. I don't need historical evidence to disprove my skepticism. I don't need to question whether or not I'm making Him up to feel good about myself, or whether it's okay or not to say for a fact that Jesus is Lord.

No.

I don't need this world to show me Jesus.

As my blind, special-needs friend says, "Oh, yes. I know Jesus. He's right here in my heart."

He may not know much, but he knows that.

Forget relativism, universalism, monism, thinking-thinking-thinking-too much isms.

I don't need Psychology to tell me Jesus is God, He is my savior, my rock, and right here in my heart... He lives.

"Today, a particularly insidious obstacle to the task of education is the massive presence in our society and culture of that relativism which, recognizing nothing as definitive, leaves as the ultimate criterion only the self with its desires. And under the semblance of freedom it becomes a prison for each one, for it separates people from one another, locking each person into his or her own 'ego'" Pope Benedict XVI

Be Careful

I deleted the post about telling a friend that her affair was an affair, because people seem to think it was too apparent who I was talking about. I don't want that to be the case. I really didn't intend to "slander" her as she has done to me. This entire situation saddens me intensely, not for myself, but for everyone involved.

When people have affairs, they lie. They don't tell the truth. When someone you love is having an affair and they slander you after you tell them what they are doing is wrong... and people believe that, it's rather sad.

Sometimes people aren't what you thought they were. Sometimes people will lie about you to get their way. Sometimes people will lie to a spouse in order to protect them from being hurt, but it's not protecting them, it's protecting yourself from being the object of someone's pain.

One day, when we all leave this earth, every lie will be exposed. Every true motive of the heart will be exposed.

And I know we will ALL be shamed.

I'm not going to have comments on this post, because I really don't want to get in to arguments about affairs being wrong, people lying, etc. It is what it is, people are free to believe what they want to believe.

But the truth always sets us free. Regardless of how hard it is to swallow.

“The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.” Flannery O'Connor